send help before i fucking kill myself (1 Viewer)

[Solarised]

She asked for advice and I gave her the truth?? Why would I lie and say it’s amazing and then when she gets her mark its the same..

Your truth was she just wrote bs and yapped nothing to be grateful about receiving that type of feedback

 

[Bendwhat?_over]

Ungrateful.

It's not difficult to be kind. That doesn't necessarily mean lying.

some background info: i NEVER had a proper english teacher in my life, in primary school i was overseas in a non-english speaking country and did the very basic eng ever, in years 7-9 i had casuals ALL THE FUCKING TIME and was taught NOTHING
in yr 10 i moved selective stream at a partially selective school and for the first time ever i was given a teacher, and bc i dont have ANY SKILLS whatsoever i was getting MAXIMUM 16/20 and my average was a 70-something

im in eng adv (why? bc my teacher convinced me in an advanced kid even tho idk what im doing)

present: i need to compare elizabeth and darcy's values in chapter 34 mentioning free indirect speech, i dont fucking know what im doing
im actually gonna kill myself

question: analyse how free indirect speech is used to reveal Elizabeth and Darcy's values:
my response:
Jane Austen uses a range of techniques in Pride & Prejudice, in particular free direct speech. In chapter 34, Austen uses this technique to reveal Elizabeth and Darcy's values through the narration of their thoughts. Elizabeth's values are revealed through the mention of 'Elizabeth disdained the appearance of noticing... to conciliate her.' The combining of Elizabeth's prespective and emotions with thid-person narration tells the audience that she values moral conviction. Her refusal of Mr. Darcy's proposal due to his insensitivity towards her sister's marriage relfects that Elizabeth values respect and integirty. Unlik Elizabeth, Darcy values social class and personal pride through the mention of 'he was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of pride.' The difference of values and prespectives is highlighted through the technique in order for better understanding personal identities of the characters.

this is 100% me, no chat gpt, no google, no online searches
just me

I agree with what most people are saying here. It's not a bad paragraph. I assume you know all about PEEL/PETAL structure... My teacher gave me this outline for writing paragraphs;

1. Conceptual topic sentence responsiding to the question. Try not to mention novel or author.
2. Plot context prior to evidence - Signpost your evidence.
3. Analyse literary devices within your quote.
4. Create a linking sentence to conclude.

I do think the advice that others have said is more important to take into account first, although I feel your analysis is lacking. You answer the question... But just that. Perhaps with an improved sentence structure and language your point would come across more eloquently?

I must reiterate, you are not doing too badly at all. I implore you to be proud of yourself for where you are... With your circumstance, it seems writing in this way is no small feat. Well done.

 

[Socialism]

Ooh, petal, i like that acronym... definitely in my top three.... idk how i'd rank them

TEXAS, SEXY, PETAL lol hrmmm

 

[lolcti]

bruh u were the one ungrateful for living on the beach

Bruh I don’t recall.. js be quiet and stop derailing the thread

 

[lolcti]

Your truth was she just wrote bs and yapped nothing to be grateful about receiving that type of feedback

I feel like your teachers have never criticised your work because all I said was that her work wasn’t close to perfect..

 

[Study to success]

I feel like your teachers have never criticised your work because all I said was that her work wasn’t close to perfect..

"not close to perfect." Is very different to 'your wasting your word count with bs and yap." I feel like u could have been more gentler with ur words and not directly criticising too much

 

[Socialism]

Let's get back to the topic at hand. Has anyone got more feedback for Jane?

 

[lolcti]

Let's get back to the topic at hand. Has anyone got more feedback for Jane?

Thanks for deleting my message stupid socialism, not even letting me defend myself but than letting this stupid alt talk

 

[Socialism]

One more time, let's go back to helping Jane. Please don't derail the thread

 

[Solarised]

I feel like your teachers have never criticised your work because all I said was that her work wasn’t close to perfect..

my teacher never came to me when i was feeling sad and said yo blud your writing some bullshit and yap fam, you can't switch up now lol your criticism was no way near just saying her work wasn't close to being perfect.

 

[[ ]]

am I cooked for the HSC????? wtf is indirect discourse/speech

is it like when they argue without actually arguing or something????

It's when you mean something else but your words doesn't show it explicitly. For example, when you're trying to hint someone, or being sarcastic

 

[jane1820]

Ok so guys i read everyones messages and have a few things to mention:
1. I do use chatgpt, but the porblem is i use it TOO MUCH to an extent i dont have an original english thought, im avoiding it as much as i can to just regain my own opinions

2. I made my teacher read my response today and she said (as everyone else) it is good but it lacks details, according to her i have a problem of either i describe too much unnecessary stuff or dont describe any, she also told me to rewrite my othello essay (it was an exam i got on 13/20)

3. I didnt take lolcti’s comment seriously like i seriously dont care what a stranger on the internet has to say if its not related to what im asking, thx for defending me tho

 

[lolcti]

3. I didnt take lolcti’s comment seriously like i seriously dont care what a stranger on the internet has to say if its not related to what im asking, thx for defending me tho

Good bc it was not as deep as others made it out to be lol. Tbh, you're in year 11 you have so much time to improve. I really recommend reading academic articles and journals on context and using critics from yr11. Also, looking at exemplars on studocou and other websites is really important, bc you can form a strong general thesis and develop extensive analysis. I remember my year 11 essays always got full marks bc of the extra mile I went, it's good you're not relying on chatgpt bc that will distinguish you from others. (hope that helps a little bit..)

 

[Solarised]

Good bc it was not as deep as others made it out to be lol. Tbh, you're in year 11 you have so much time to improve. I really recommend reading academic articles and journals on context and using critics from yr11. Also, looking at exemplars on studocou and other websites is really important, bc you can form a strong general thesis and develop extensive analysis. I remember my year 11 essays always got full marks bc of the extra mile I went, it's good you're not relying on chatgpt bc that will distinguish you from others. (hope that helps a little bit..)

crazier switch up then luca to the lakers

 

[WorkEfforts]

am I cooked for the HSC????? wtf is indirect discourse/speech

is it like when they argue without actually arguing or something????

they let anyone be mod don't they? no matter how dumb or illiterate

 

[Socialism]

they let anyone be mod don't they? no matter how dumb or illiterate

can't even learn things as a school student anymore

 

[nsw..wollongong]

stressing only makes this harder, ur on the right track by just recognising that u need a little help ive pasted one of my draft paragraphs for eng adv paper 2 and annotated it so its a little easier to understand the formula of a good essay paragraph. i hope its useful <3

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Societal order is restored through the rhetoric of prophetic women as mediators of Providential defiance.

• this is the paragraph's opening sentence: summarise what your entire paragraph is about. in this case, the keywords are: societal order, rhetoric, prophetic women, defiance.
• the marker, based off of this one sentence alone, will deduce that every single point and quote you make in this paragraph will be relating to the topic sentence. whenever you steer away from this topic sentence, you risk being marked down for lack of cohesion.

The dissenting voices of women challenge Humanist moral transgressions as Queen Margaret’s imperative dramatic asides assert Richard as a “murdrous villain, which God revenge!”

• so here our technique is: dramatic asides.
• we have our quote and exactly who said it (this is important!): queen margaret
• our effect is: challenging Humanist moral transgressions (here is some context too, super important to include)

Feminine vitriolic ramblings are thus testimony to Tudor Myth traditions denouncing the York claim to the throne, resolving Renaissance suspicions surrounding the disruption of universal order, whereby the onus is on the female.

• so now ill introduce you the purpose of context: context isn't just to do with the setting and time of the text, it's also to do with what the author was enduring at the time. for example in this case, we're talking about a shakespearean text. during this time, there was a lot of discourse about British royalty, who gets to rightfully claim the throne, etc etc.
• the point is that you always relate context of the characters AND context of the author back to the quote --> this realllyyyyy shows that you understand the author's intentions!!

Sealed through Lady Anne’s stichomythically anaphoric hailings of “villain, thou know’st not law of God nor man,”the feminine rhetoric highlights the yearning for God as a reflection of Elizabethan justice - achieving order through Divine judgement.

• again, technique is: anaphora + stichomythia
• we have our quote, said by Lady Anne
• our effect is: feminine desire for a Divine entity
• if your marker sees that you can put a technique, quote and effect all in one sentence, they'll be wowed away. Just shows your ability to be concise, and it works in your favour! You babble and ramble on a lot less.

This thus pedestals KRIII as a celebration of Queen Elizabeth I’s reign and the established Chain of Being, confirmed through the auditory stage directions of “the trumpet sounds… Enter King Richard and his train,” to signal the entrance of the Humanist ideals that destroyed the very social equilibrium advocated for in Providential order.

• so see how i'm able to put two quotes and their effects in roughly 2-3 sentences? the way your sentence FLOWS matters, if you can go from technique to quote to effect without cuts and jumps, you're in the band 6 range of responses.
• again, technique is: auditory stage directions
  • SOMETHING VERYYY IMPORTANT TO MENTION: if you're dealing with shakespeare or any play for your HSC, you HAVE to have techniques that are only related to plays. Eg. you don't have asides and stage directions in poems do you? the markers are looking at how well you can analyse different types of texts!!
• we have our quote, not said by anyone because its stage directions from shakespeare himself (good perspective!!)
• our effect is linked to our context: always linking back to the societal struggles of the author, social equilibrium royalty queen elizabeth blah blahhhh u get the jist

The righteousness of the women’s curses is thus amplified by elevating the women’s rhetoric to a divine level, akin to the biblical ‘Trumpets of Heaven’.

• now, this is something that markers would also love to see. remember when we were talking about context? everything that i've listed so far is societal context: british royalty, Humanist ideals, etc
• but now we introduce a different kind of context: cultural context, in this case through the bible. so you see the comparison i've made? "akin to...", markers love this!! when you show that uve done ur research, you're knowledgable about different types of contexts, ur really hitting that A range.

The rhetoric of women is draped in biblical allusion as a response to Shakespeare’s concern of Providential ignorance and, contextually, the monarch.

• aaandddd finally, your concluding sentence. this wraps up everything you've talked about, it's kind of your saving grace if you lost the marker somewhere further up. if this sentence is spot on, you can quite literally make the marker forget about whatever mistakes you've made before.
• note: if this sentence doesn't relate to your opening sentence, sound the alarms. you gotta fix something up.
• very good if you can include last bit of context here!! like i literally just said it word for word: "contextually, the monarch."
• literally say the word context to drill it into the marker's head

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end sceneeee. i was able to construct a band 6 paragraph in only 7 sentences. YOU CAN TOO. YOU GOT THIS!!!!